Saturday, April 30, 2011

Awesomeness Alert

So I finally decided today
That I should probably try out Doctor Who
After all, my friends all say I'd totes love it
And Fiancee likes it
So whatevs

I see that it's on
So I think,
Meh I'll give it a shot

Little did I know
That I was stepping into

I am all yours Doctor Who!

*grabs popcorn and a blanket*


Friday, April 29, 2011

DA II Review Part I

What is this? 
I promised to review Dragon Age 2?
Well.. I guess I should probably live up to that. 
So buckle up and put on your anti-window licking helmets kiddies.
It's time to you to endure me playing through
Bioware's latest money maker. 

(And since my webcam sucks for making movies
We're doing this screenshot style)
Deal with it.

No one cares about you EA, get out of my credits >.>

OMG *grips controller*

By the way, 
There's totally epic music in the background right now.

Okay so, I'm dying during the credits
Because I'm a helpless fan girl
Who got hyped up a stupid amount for this game.
Possibly too much?
You're about to find out....

So we start off our game with a...
Movie-esque opening scene?
Random dwarf man is being dragged in by random men for random reasons....

Classic, ominously poor lighting scene with ominous dude.

Or chick with a super short man-hair-cut, who likes stabbing books...?

Uhm.. okay?

So we get this big whole ordeal
With Short-Haired Seeker Chick
And Pimp Dressed Dwarf Man
Dwarf Dude is like.. I need an ale STAT to deal with crazy pants over here
Seeker chick is still freaking out of the "Champion" because 
Suspiciously Pimp Dressed Dwarf Man. 
Other wise I wouldn't have had you dragged in here
All obvious like.

So pimp dwarf is like
A'ight, you wanna hear the story?
It's pretty awesome,
obviously because I am telling it.
So let me regale you with the epic story

Gee... I wonder who my character is...
>.>      <.<

So then I get to pick out my character
They make RPGs this way for people like me
I totally wear dresses in Oblivion because they're *~pretty~*
And take 2 hours making my character
But they have preset characters, so like.. an hour this time.
Anyways, I go with the red head
Because duh thats just awesome. 
And it was the only one that didn't make go

So then we get this:
Strike a pose biotches

And I'm going...
That is not the character I picked!
What the heck Bioware?!

So I'm having a little hurrumphing flip out while playing through this battle
With a ton of these guys:

Wow you fuglier than the last game...
Nice pale touch though
Oh you like it? Latest make-up fad

That's right, kneel before my awesome trash kicking skills.
So in mine, since I went Rogue (heh) I get to duke it out with Sis Bethany
So there we are, partying it up with the Darkspawns
When who crashes the party?

O HAI YOU GUYS! Am I late for cupcakes?
Why you always gotta be comin in uninvited Ogre?
Seriously, you think you would have learned after DA:O
But apparently not..

No party crashers allowed under threat of LOTS OF GORE!
So you kill Mr. Party Crasher
And you like OH MAN
Do not have enough cupcakes for everyone
And it's looking like a super bad situation 
And then all of the sudden:

BAM! Wassup MOFO's
There's a Dragon.
Good thing we're getting the Dragon in Dragon Age upfront at the beginning this time...
So anyways, this Dragon is like
Save you all from your lack of party prep!

And then you hear a record screeching stop in the background...

And we're back to Crazy Pants and Pimp Dwarf
And Crazy Pants is all:
Nuh uh! That is so not how it happened!
And Pimp Dwarf is like:
Is too!
And then Crazy Pants calls him out:
Bethany's boobs were not that big!

Busted Buster
Okay.. Maybe I made it up a little...

So then we cut, once again to darkspawn running around after you..
This time with my character
Does this armor make me look faaaaat?

Isn't she awesome. 
But wait..
Bioware, does this mean you made me run around
Fight darkspawn
And an Ogre
And I have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN?!

So your fleeing Lothering (O HAI!) with your fam-jam.
When you totally bump into this role-exchanged couple
I wear the pants in this relationship
I know
So it's you, your fam, and this weird templar couple
Trying to peace out of Lothering
With totes all due haste
Hacking and slashing your way through

Which brings me to Problem With This Game #1:
Isometric Viewing

Why did you do this Bioware?
Are you trying to make me nauseous

I can either view top down like this:
Killing Darkspawn in a single bound

Which changes like a Moody Canadian April,
Every time it comes into contact with something
That could reposition it
Like a mountain, or air...
So I'm stuck with this view
And it's kinda limiting/nauseating

Or I zoom in and get this:
Striking a pose again?
I might as well be wearing horse blinders...
Seriously, cannot see anything.
But don't worry, at the beginning of the game it was really the best
Halfway through you can never see the horizon line
Just the first 5 steps in front of you
I had to take Advil just to not get a headache from playing.


You're tromping up to your knees in Darkspawn sludge
With your mom whining every five seconds about OMG
We know mom...
What are you wearing??
In Bioware land, even old ladies have giant, supple... shoulders.
So then you run onto this *~eerily~* deja vu-like plateau

I knew we forgot something!!

And the Darkspawn are like
HAI! Miss us? 
And you're like.. gettin' old guys...
And of course your brothers is like

So he charges in head first
Carver.. I sense this is a bad life decision..
And gets a head full of this:
Puny human have Cupcakes?
Which results shortly in this:
Where is this blood even coming from?!
Which brings me to Problems With This Game #2:

As I was playing this game, finacee was watching. 
When Big Bro Carver goes running out into the battle field
He promptly exclaims WHYYY?
That's a good question,
Besides the rail roading
Why does Carver run out nilly whilly to get his butt kicked? 
Probably the same reason why I had to redo all of my NPCs tactics 
Just so they would drink a freaking health potion and take care of themselves
Or why your Mom weeps over her sons body
And does nothing more than that for the rest of the game!
Or why hubby to epic warrior woman wimps out and dies
Because he tried to fight while already injured and swallowed Darkspawn blood
Or why they all seem to follow me around like puppies
Until there's a wall
Then they magnetize to it and get stuck there

In short, NPC AI is permanently set to IDIOT
And it always will be
Anyways, moving right along...

Because there's never enough
And your mom is weeping over your brother
and hubby to epic warrior woman is laying there twitching
Luckily Sister and Warrior Chick are kinda awesome
Which, by the way, I liked the fact
That a bunch of girls were running the show

So then you're outnumbered
And it's like.. wait.. wait.. I've seen this before...

Yup, remember this.
So Dragon dude flies around and roasts some Darkspawn to well-done.
Or at least medium rare.
And then BAM! Transforms!
Ooh. Ahh. 
And I literally jumped in my chair:
I like the hair!
Oh really? You're too sweet, takes two cans of hairspray and some demon magic applique

That's a good question Dragon Lady
Who are you?
And then she's like 'Sup I'm Flemeth, no big
And I'm like OMG WTF?! so awesome...
So Flemeth (who I apparently didn't kill in the first game after all) 
is like, Yo ya'll are going the wrong way if you wanna escape.
And you're like Where the heck else are we supposed to go?
And she makes an allusion to The Warden
And I'm like *squee!*
And then she gets all philosophical
And is like: Is it fate or is it chance?

I'm going to guess probably because 
There was a heavy forecast for Darkspawn
And our butts were getting kicked.

So then she's all like:
Ya okay so I can fly ya'll outta here
If you give this pendant to some random Dalish leader
Out by Kirkwall
Where you're headed
Btw warrior chicks hubby totes has the taint

So then you kill hubby and fly off on the back of a dragon leaving your brothers dead body behind
I say the wins balanced out the losses. 
Seriously, that hair. And outfit. Reveal much Flemeth?
So I'm stopping there
Because this post is becoming obscenely long
Like, as obscene as Flemeth's outfit
Red spandex? Really Bioware?

So I'll pick it up when we land in Kirkwall
Because trust me, I am coming up on my 
Until next time


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

O Hai

So, I know I haven't posted a new entry in a wee bit longer than usual. Alison pointed this out to me (which actually made me go all ~*squee*~ and goo inside because I'm not just talking to the lonely lonesome void of Internetville).
But then I realized, I haven't written anything lately because..well..
Well.. okay it is.
But I seriously cannot focus
For like, more than 2 seconds
On any given task.
Why am I writing in stanza?!

So instead I will share with you,
a sudden revelation I had today.

I'm getting married.

Yeah, yeah.
I can hear all of the
"Well duh"-ing
But it seriously just hit me
Like today.
Pretty overwhelming, if I do say so.
I have to take care of someone else now
Luckily he's an OCD sock matcher

Also, please share in my horror
At the second revelation I had today

What was that weather?
You feel like literally


*grumble* *grumble*
What was that? You want THUNDERSTORMS?
Who me? I didn't say anything. stupid no good lousy... 

Monday, April 11, 2011

At work I read minds and magically make things perfect.

Have I ever told you guys about my job? No? Well, strap yourself in for the never ending fun.
Hurr hurr.
So after last summer working at The Museum I found my internship over and myself out of a job.
Also, my school was like "What? You wanna come back? NOPE!"
 Fuuuu...dge and crackers.
So I'm sitting in Calgary hurrumphing over needing to figure out what to do with my life.
 When things like this happen, I would love to say I am a calm person in personal crisis; but that would be a lie.
 I panic, hardcore.
 When there's problems at work I can keep a level head, but when it comes to my personal life; the farmer basically just cut off my head.
 So I applied like crazy for anything I could think of that wasn't retail. Been there, did that, would rather sleep with spiders. Okay maybe not, but retail = noooooooo.
So anyways, after a few interviews and such and such job chasing later I landed a job as a receptionist for an oil company. Now, I'm not going to be naming names because the last thing I want is to get in trouble with people of Considerable Status Above Me.
Bascially, I'm the girl who sits by herself in the front waiting area greeting you as you walk in and trying to figure out what meeting you are supposed to be in (because nobody tells me anything >.<) I answer the phone.. when it rings.. once in a while, and answer emails (which are like, never).
 Basically I sit here and do school work and clean the boardrooms.. and possibly blog. Errr.
Although, there are two things I do in my job that I'm pretty most other receptionists don't have to do. However, if they do I feel for them.
1) I sometimes have the joy of running my bosses personal errands. Like picking up her sons stocking for Christmas, or picking out the Presidents new car, or their furniture, or their towing company, or their dishwasher repair-man, or (and possibly the best) their entire Christmas celebration and gift for the embassy. Oh joy of joys.  And no, I don't get additional pay for this. I do this out of the "goodness of my employee heart".

Usually most people are like "but that means you don't have to sit behind a desk all day!" or "it must be so fun!'
 No. Just, no.
 I have to do their errands, plus my work I have. Also, my bosses are PICKY. Like, I mean they put your gluten-free, vegan-friendly, "I won't eat dog" American cousin visiting China to shame. 
I once picked out 5 different set of Christmas lights before I was told to pick out "exactly these ones", the gaudiest of the gaudy I may add. 
Why could you not tell me in the first place? And then, when I pick those ones out, there may still be something wrong with them. Like they aren't bright enough. 

Okay, so in honesty that isn't so bad. Just really frustrating sometimes, especially when I have files stacked on the desk, and I am told continuously that "No no, not that." and then they thing they want is almost the same thing. Whatever! I can deal with it. It's not too bad, just really, really frustrating.  
It's #2 that rubs me raaaawwww

2) I am not only a mind reader but I make "executive decisions" to the people no one wants to deal with. 
Now, let me elaborate. 
Firstly on the mind reading. It slightly coincides with the afore mentioned but mostly it has to do with actual day-to-day job. 
For example, I will be sitting at my desk doing work.. Err, yes.. and suddenly a group of 10 people from a law firm and some other oil company and the bank will all walk in. Now, I will smile and greet them while thinking in my head "What?! Who are they for?! Which boardroom do I put them in? I haven't made coffee! There's no water set out!" 
Then I will look like a total idiot asking them who they are here for, they'll all raise their eyebrows at me and tell me who. So I will ask them to please wait, take a seat and go find my boss. 
Now, at the beginning of my job this was a big problem. I was constantly running around like a chicken trying to figure who went where. Sometimes I would put one meeting in our large boardroom and a second meeting would walk in moments later and the person they were meeting with would be mad that they didn't get the big boardroom. The poor Administration Assistant before me had dealt with this longer and she said it was always like this.
 So, eventually I learned to always have water set on the tables and the boardrooms prepped. However, I wasn't up for this who charade. So if people didn't get the boardroom they wanted:

Tough cookies you guys. Should have booked your meeting. You've only received ten thousand emails from me about this.
 At first some of the temp workers from overseas weren't cool with my stand point, luckily my boss knows I'm just trying to work on efficiency and told them they had to deal with me. 
So I tell them kindly they need to book it and when they do I ask them if they want me to set out tea and coffee. It's gotten better, though sometimes the overseas business people still drive me nuts. Actually, all the time. >.>
Now, the "executive decisions" isn't really as fancy as it sounds. 
My basic job for answering the phones is really just screening calls. Most calls I get in a day are telemarketers. I now have a serious zero-tolerance policy with them. I used to be like "No thank you.. Well.. I.. I don't want to talk to you.. I'm busy" 
Interruption, interruption.
 Now I'm just like "Look, this is a company. We don't have time for this. Sorry, but don't call again." If it's a Canadian number I add "Call again and I call CRTC." 
Because telemarketers are illegal in Canada, did you know that? Oh yays. I am kinda mean.. I know. But you don't understand how many of them call 
The other phone calls I get that no one else wants are the people who want an "in" with us, or a donation, or to sell a new idea. These people, though they mean well, annoy me to no ends. 
Simply because of the fact that they cannot seem to grasp one concept. 
We are NOT, I repeat, NOT, the head office. 
See, my oil company is based from another country. We don't make new business decisions, we don't deal with new companies unless told to, and no we cannot fund your new "innovation". Yet somehow, no matter how much I tell people we cannot help them they continue to push and push to talk to my "manager" and insist that we may be able to just hear them out.
I usually hear:
 "Well, I've dealt with our companies from [insert country name here] and they had offices back there."
 Do we look like that company? No, I'm sorry I can't help you.
 Usually, I try to be professional and kind to these people. It was weird to me at first too that we got all orders from out of country and didn't act unless told to. Eventually you see it makes sense in a business way. Some people that call and keep getting pushy and insistent though I lose a little patience with. I was never blessed with lots of patience anyways, but these people are a number. They keep telling me:
 "Well you can do something I'm sure, you're a prominent company."
Applying to my ego doesn't help you.
"Well can I talk to your manager anyways?" (asked about 5 times)
"Well can't we talk to them and then meet with your head office?" 
"You mean I have to go to [insert country name here]"
No, just talk to them then if they want to do business you can do it through us.
"Well why can't we do it now?"
Because you have to talk to them first! Argh!
"Can I have you bosses name?"
"Can I just talk to you manager about who to contact?"
Oh you're so sly. No.
"This is a great opportunity you're missing."
I'm sure it is. 
"Can I talk to your business manager then..?"
These people, they have more persistence and gumption than a door-to-door salesman or something. 


p.s. I get married in 26 days. OH MY GOSH!
Hipster mannequin anyone?
It scares me mommy... It mustache. It stares into my soul...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


I finished Dragon Age 2 a couple of days ago. I'm going to play it through a second time and snatch screenshots so I can write a review; so everyone can know my reaction throughout the entire game.
Hint: Bioware is currently sleeping on the couch  >.>
In other news,

Pet Piggy!!
For you my Nerdi sister ^_^


Friday, April 1, 2011

No! Nononono No!

The Weather hates me right now doesn't it?

Weather! You're being such a troll!